Resolute. January 5, 2009

I believe the credit for the above photo goes to Herbivore Clothing Company, but I can’t seem to find where I got it from now…

 

As New Years was approaching, I began to think about the past year, as we all do, and of course, the year to come.  It seems a convenient time to me to make a resolution in my life to make a permanent change.  Something has been weighing on my heart and my mind a lot lately.  

I bought a sweater a few months ago and saw that the tag said “angora” and I bought it anyway because I loved the fit and styling so much, but the decision has weighed on me.  My dad took me shopping after Christmas and wanted to buy me warm socks at REI.  He loves the SmartWool brand and really wanted to get some for me.  I didn’t have the heart to have the “please no animal product” conversation with him.  He bought me four pair, two of which I’ll be taking back and two of which I’ve been wearing.  And it’s been weighing on me.  I’ve somewhat been in the market for a new pair of boots and can’t bring myself to buy leather ones, even though I love these, because it’s been weighing on me.  Every time I crack the eggs for some cornbread or put the cheese on top of my pizza, something just doesn’t feel right in my spirit.  

So, I’m making the change… toward the vegan way of life.  When I went vegetarian a year and a half ago, I cut out most dairy and eggs as well.  The only reason I’ve not gone vegan yet is because I haven’t wanted to deal with what others will say and I don’t want to inconvenience anyone (admittedly myself on occasion), but this is hardly a good reason to continue to make choices that don’t line up with my values.  Factory farming practices are shockingly horrifying.  Really.  I don’t want to be a part of it in any way, shape or form.  It is not good for anyone involved – not the animals, not the environment, surely, not the people perpetuating the violence and not for the health of those who consume those products.  It would be wrong for me to continue to support these practices, particularly against my own conscience.  At this point I plan to keep the things I already own that are not vegan, because I don’t think it would benefit anyone for me to just throw them out, but from here on out all purchases shall be cruelty free.  

While it may seem like an extreme choice to some, for me I think for the most part it will just be woven into the fabric of my life, as so many other changes have been.  I’ve learned that nothing is so difficult as it seems it will be, especially when motivated by something more important than any minor inconvenience.  This is not meant as a judgment upon anyone else, though sadly, I know some will perceive it that way.  It’s just another step toward becoming who I am.  Wish me luck!  I think it’s going to feel really good.  Happy New Year!

Corners of Our Previous Home: A Farewell Tribute October 2, 2008

Dear little House on the corner of Ellis and Lakeway,

I will miss you.  So fresh and brightly painted, with your lovely chocolate brown moldings… you made me happy.  You brought me within walking distance to my favorite coffee shop and the loveliness that is downtown.  I loved watching the traffic out the front windows and watching Elena say hello to all the trucks and buses that she loves so.  Thank you for all the memories.  Here is a random sampling of my favorite corners of our home when you were ours:

P.S.  I will not miss the noisy upstairs neighbors, the parking lot next door, the huge heating bill or the lack of bathtub or backyard.  Oh, and i won’t miss the mouse we left behind that we couldn’t seem to catch!  Shhh… don’t tell the new tenants.

A Prayer of Consecration August 17, 2008

artwork pictured above is by my friend Rhiannon Rosenbaum

I was handed a piece of paper with this printed out prayer on it years ago.  It has so impacted me that I thought I should share it with you all.

A Prayer of Consecration by Dr. FB Meyer:

   In my inner life I desire to be kept absolutely and lovely. O Holy and Spotless One, be in me the Crystal Fountain of Purity! O Lamb of God, be in me the source of absolute meekness and humility! O lover of Men, be in me a fire of unwaning, all-subduing tenderness! Make me instantly sensitive to the least taint of impurity and uncharity. Before ever the suggestion has assumed a tangible shape, may I detect it and shelter in you.

   In my home life, may I be made a blessing; its sunbeam when the days are dark, its inspiration when the days are sad and hopeless, its tender comfort when the days are full of pain and tears. Always thinking before myself, never imposing my private sorrows or moods; ever with a girded loin and a lighted torch; washing my face and anointing my head and confiding my griefs to you only, that I may ever have a heart at leisure to soothe and sympathize.

In my religious life may the neglect of prayer and your holy word be things of the past. Wake me morning by morning to hear as a disciple. Enable me to spring up at your call and like all your servants arise up early  in the morning to gather the manna before the dew is gone from it. May my fellowship with you be unbroken throughout the day, that I may often look up into your face, even if I do not have time to speak. Draw me, and I will run after you.

‘Each moment call from the earth away my soul that only waits your call’

In my daily calling make me diligent in business, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord. May I do my work not for the wages that I may get, not to secure an advance, but so as to please you. May it be the one object of my daily striving to do all to the glory of God. – not with eye–service as pleasing men, but in singleness of heart, fearing the Lord, doing the will of God as it is indicated in the circumstances of my life, and looking for my reward from your hand, O Divine Master!

   In my use of money I would not be anxious about he future, nor hoard up and keep for myself of that which you have given me. I want to be your very slave, counting myself and all I have as your purchased property, and using all things as your representative steward.

In my use of time and health and all the opportunities of life I desire to act with reverent care, redeeming the time, buying up each opportunity, conserving my body as pure temple of the Holy Ghost, and so partaking of recreation, food, natural scenery, travel and all lawful pastimes that I may better serve your purpose in my creation and redemption. Show me what my talents are which you have entrusted me, and help to make the two four and the five ten.

Now bless me, even me, O Lord; I am yours; your Father gave me to you before the world was made; you did purchase me for yourself by our most precious blood, you have begun a good work within me by our Holy Spirit; and now afresh take me to your heart and seal me with your Spirit. May he enlighten, comfort and sanctify me, teaching me to pray and opening the eyes of my heart that I may know you and the power of your resurrection that as you have ascended to the heavens, so may I also in my heart and mind ascend there, and dwell continually with you, who lives and reigns with the Father and the Holy Spirit, one God, world without end. Amen.

Don’t Wait… Just Do It June 12, 2008

When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming toward him, he said to Philip, “Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?” He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do. Philip answered him, “Eight months’ wages would not buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!” Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up, “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?” Jesus said, “Have the people sit down.” There was plenty of grass in that place, and the men sat down, about five thousand of them. Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish. When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, “Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.”  So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten.  After the people saw the miraculous sign that Jesus did, they began to say, “Surely this is the Prophet who is to come into the world.” Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by himself.  - John 6:5-15

There’s a lesson I’ve been learning.  It’s come up a lot over the course of the last year or so.  It’s taken me a while to really get it.  

A few months ago, the pastor at Mosaic, Matt Atkins, was talking about the above passage from the book of John. He pointed out that our tendency is to wait for abundance in order to give.  But, this is not how God operates.  This is not how life operates.  If we wait until we have everything we think we need before we will act, how long will we sit on our butts and do nothing?

Poverty is not the state of not having, it is the fear of not getting that causes me to hold on to what I have. Think about that one for a minute…  Now, I’m not talking about poverty in the sense of those who truly have only the clothes on their backs.  I’m talking about this sense we all have that we are lacking or poor in some way.  Not necessarily poverty of money (although this certainly is the case sometimes) but poverty more often of time, energy, ability, etc.

This is definitely something I experience all the time.  I’ve been catching myself, and I think the Spirit is revealing to me, those times when I think things like:

“I don’t have time”

“I can’t”

“It’s too difficult”

“I don’t know how”

“Not right now”

“I don’t feel like it”

Then I remember that before I’m ready, I need to be prepared to act because the provision from God comes as I step out and trust Him, rather than waiting for him to give me “enough” of whatever it is that I think I need.  

Everything that goes into a life of pleasing God has been miraculously given to us by getting to know, personally and intimately, the One who invited us to God. The best invitation we ever received! We were also given absolutely terrific promises to pass on to you—your tickets to participation in the life of God after you turned your back on a world corrupted by lust.So don’t lose a minute in building on what you’ve been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others. With these qualities active and growing in your lives, no grass will grow under your feet, no day will pass without its reward as you mature in your experience of our Master Jesus. Without these qualities you can’t see what’s right before you, oblivious that your old sinful life has been wiped off the books.  

So, friends, confirm God’s invitation to you, his choice of you. Don’t put it off; do it now. Do this, and you’ll have your life on a firm footing, the streets paved and the way wide open into the eternal kingdom of our Master and Savior, Jesus Christ.  -2 Peter 1:3-9 (The Message)

  And, you know what?  It’s so true.  The provision comes in the obedience.  He has given us everything we need to live this life that He’s called us to.  So often I need listen to the Spirit within me and just do it, whatever it may be, and stop dwelling on my own inadequacies and insecurities or the seeming impracticalities.  What you believe and your attitude toward things is so powerful.  When I stop myself and decide to “just do it” most of the time I find that I did end up having the time, energy, ability, etc.  It’s transforming the way I look at things and it’s affecting all sorts of little things in my life.  My house is cleaner than it has been ages  I think this lesson is a lot bigger than having a clean house, though.  It’s about giving myself away.  today.  before I feel like I have it all together.  

  I’m finding that there’s so much more peace in my life when I’m not approaching everything with a fearful, defeated mentality.  Hallelujah.